be kind, they say… but most of the time i wonder how being kind is like. should i sacrifice myself to be kind?
5 notesJournal of having the urge to express
hi tumblr, its been a really long time. I’m now 19 years old, getting more emotional than i should, trying my best to trust and love god and myself. i used to read random posts about how being 19/20 years old is such a pain, not till i hit this new year. i was expected to be an adult but to be a child at the same time. “time” is what i think i have the most, yet it seems what i have the least to others. everyones busy going to uni while i dying to gain freedom. trust me, young joey, freedom is not free. it is so expensive. i look at my friends having freedom in the luxury of their parents money. i wonder do they ever think of how much pain their parents have to go through.
I can’t believe i was surrounded with everyone who is unworthy of my love and trust. theyre the ones i love wholeheartedly, i don’t expect anything from them, i always spend time with them thinking “wow, what have i done that deserve them.” but you know what, time REVEALS. it reveals how much a person appreciate you, love you, trust you, adore you. i used to think that as long i treat them delicately and carry a grateful heart, they would not harm me. however, i came into realisation that… it doesn’t mean that you don’t change a person would. people still carry on with their lives without waiting for you because they’re too selfish they love themselves more. being emotional… is such a curse isn’t it? constantly being treated like a fool. i really worn out. all i want is just genuine happiness and love in return, is it really that difficult? trying your best at being kind is definitely not going to solve anything, yes i know. now that I’m all left by myself, i face emptiness and so much of pain. i can’t even remember when was the last time i was being genuine happy. yes it’S jUsT a PhraS3 gEt iT oVer, i reminded myself repeatedly. but what do you do when everyone you love so much turns out to be the person who doesn’t appreciate you? you were just a mere presence to cover one of the emptiness hole.
i can’t help but to think whether my presence in this world important. i wish… things will get better. i pray that fucking uni life… will bring me fuckjoyyou :)
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